You Deserve LLC

Respect can begin with something as simple as a name. For transgender individuals, chosen names can be powerful. When we honor them, we create spaces where people feel welcomed, affirmed, and able to show up as their full, authentic selves. Let’s take a closer look at what all this means and why using the right name means more than you might think.

What does transgender mean?

When we are born*, we are assigned a sex based on our anatomical traits. Then, as we grow, we learn about society’s expectations and develop our own gender identity, which is our inner sense of who we truly are. Simply put, for transgender individuals, gender identity does not match the sex that was assigned at birth.

What is gender affirmation?

Gender affirmation is the process of making personal, social, legal, and/or medical changes to recognize, accept, and affirm a person’s gender identity. Choosing a name that reflects a trans person’s gender identity is often an important part of their gender affirmation process.

What is deadnaming?

Deadname –The birth/legal name of a person who has changed their name as part of their gender affirmation.

Chosen Name – Some individuals may no longer use their birth or legal name but rather choose a new name that affirms their gender identity. This is a chosen name – the gender-affirming name a person goes by. This is the name that should be used when speaking to and about a person.

Deadnaming – Once a person has said they want to be called by their chosen/gender-affirming name, calling them by their old name is referred to as deadnaming. Deadnaming can be a stressful and traumatic experience.

Legal Name – A legal name is the name listed on official documents such as insurance forms, medical records, and prescriptions. For some transgender individuals, their legal name and chosen name are the same, because they have received a legal name change. For others, their legal name may still reflect their deadname.

What if an individual has communicated a chosen name, but has not been able to legally change their name?

If a legal name reflects a deadname, it should only be used when required for things like medical records, insurance documents, or security checks. Outside of those specific circumstances, a person’s chosen name should always be used. Respecting someone means using their chosen name in conversation and affirming their gender identity.

So, how do I verify someone’s legal name, while also respecting and affirming their chosen name?

Reinforce that you recognize that the name on the paperwork is not their name, it is simply a part of the necessary paperwork process. It is your responsibility to create a safe and inclusive space. After confirming the legal name, promptly acknowledge the patient’s chosen name.

• This can look like: “For legal and safety purposes, I need to confirm the name on your identification, but we understand this may not be the name you use or identify with.”
• You can elaborate: “Your comfort and identity are important to us. We will use your chosen name in our interactions with you and strive to meet your needs.”

How should I address a patient in the waiting room, while announcing it’s time for their appointment?

To ensure privacy and respect for all identities, it’s best to call patients by their last name and first initial in the waiting room.

• Being called by the wrong name—especially a deadname—can be distressing and invalidating.
• Even when a chosen name is listed, using it in public may unintentionally out someone who is closeted.  And, in some clinical settings, using a chosen name aloud can lead to discomfort or confusion, depending on the assumptions others may make about the patient’s identity.

How do I write or report about a person with a chosen name?

An individual’s chosen name should not be in quotations. Commonly, quotations are used for nicknames. A chosen name is not a nickname. Therefore, quotations should not be used. This also applies to paperwork and record keeping, as nicknames are not synonymous with chosen names, thus requiring differentiation in documentation.

• How to write nicknames: George “Babe” Ruth, Eldrick “Tiger” Woods, Jason “Jelly Roll” DeFord
• How to write chosen names: Elliot Page, Nicole Maines, Laverne Cox

MISGENDERING AND MAKING MISTAKES

What if I address someone incorrectly?

Calling someone by the wrong gender pronouns, name, or gender is called misgendering. This can be harmful and invalidating to a person’s identity, creating a stressful and traumatic experience. If you misgender someone:

1. take accountability,
2. rephrase with the correct language,
3. and move on in conversation.

Do not shift the tension by over-apologizing!

When you over-apologize, you inadvertently shift the tension onto the marginalized person by prompting them to say “it’s okay.” It is your responsibility to take accountability, correct yourself with the correct language, and move on.

Can’t find the right thing to say when corrected? Try “thank you”.

By saying “thank you” for the correction, acknowledging the feedback, and then continuing the conversation, you maintain respect and avoid placing undue pressure on others.

When you catch your own mistake, this can look like: 

• “Nicole likes her, I mean Nick likes his, ice cream with sprinkles.”
• “Chris is giving a presentation. She, oops, he said he is nervous.”
• “Aaron’s wife, oops I mean spouse, is a good singer.”

In conversation, this can look like:

Staff: “She just said…”
Patron: “Umm actually, my pronouns are they.”
Staff: “Right, thank you for letting me know. They just said…“

WHAT’S IN A NAME?

Respecting someone’s chosen name isn’t just about getting it right — it’s about affirming their identity and showing that they belong. No one is perfect, but choosing to practice respect, make corrections with care, and keep learning makes a real difference in creating safe and inclusive spaces.

I hope this helps,
Sincerely, Elizabeth (she/they)

**For some intersex individuals, the concept of sex assigned at birth may be more complex or not as straightforward.

This is an LGBTQIA2S+ peer-reviewed document.

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